Some days are simply better than others and today has been one of those bad days. I miss my son so much today that it hurts to breathe. I feel some days the wait is endless and yet we've only had his referral since May 9th. I admit, I am selfish and want my son home. I get asked all the time if I am a mom to which my answer is yes, then proceeded by, but my son is in Guatemala - waiting for me. He needs to be here with us - in his forever home. I miss his smile, the innocent and pure way he smells especially after bathtime, his little noises, his little feet, his nose - just everything about him. He truly is our gift from God. I was truly amazed during our second trip by the realization that a person so small as Gabriel can light the room up in a way I have never seen. And as soon as we gave him back, you could truly feel his absence everywhere.
I am very thankful that he does not know all that is going on and how we have to wait to bring home. All that will be a blur to him. From what I hear, it will be a blur to us once he is home. We just have to get there.
All I know is that as much as I wondered what kind of mother I would be, I know that this sweet little boy makes me a better person. I really do not remember what life was like before May 9th, 2007. Gabriel has added such meaning to our lives that I cannot even put it into words. People ask me how can I be so strong to go and visit him and then leave him behind. The answer is pretty simple. I do not have much of a choice. I have a job and home in FL, but my heart is in Guatemala right now. When those two worlds come together, I will be doing much better. Right now, I just continue day to day working towards the final prize. And what a prize he is!