Forgiveness/Restoration

There are few things that matter beyond forgiveness, forgiveness of other’s as well as forgiveness of oneself. If you are a Christian, that is the example that you are given by Christ, and that is a command you must be willing to accept if you are to expect Christ to forgive you. If you are seeking mercy, you must show mercy. If you are seeking love, you must show love. If we desire to be forgiven by Christ, we must show forgiveness to those who have wronged us.There are times of pain, times in which you may not think you can forgive, where even the thought of forgiveness seems so far removed from your circumstance that you may feel forgiveness is impossible. It is at those times we must turn toward Christ and the finished work of the cross.

The spirit of forgiveness is one of the few things that truly free us to totally surrender and submit to God. And it is here where we can experience what is unexplainable to those who do not believe in the power of Jesus Christ to change lives...it is here we are free to experience restoration.

For years Maria and I went through a sort of spiritual darkness, covered by attempts to follow Christ and outwardly, I'm sure it looked like we were doing a good job. We weren't, and it has been the forgiveness and mercy of a loving God that has brought us to a place where we can drink the restoring waters of the spirit.

For us, though we've been married for six and a half years, 2010 marks the first year that we are truly broken and surrendered to God...take us Lord and make us what you want us to be....

The lyrics to the song below are for my wife...whom I love and adore...you can hear the song itself by clicking on it on the playlist at the bottom of the page....


Call My Name

It's been so long since you felt like you were loved
So what went wrong?
But do you know there's a place where you belong
Here in My arms?

When you feel like you're alone in your sadness
And it seems like no one else in this whole world cares
And you want to get away from the madness
You just call My name and I'll be there
You just call My name and I'll be there

The pain inside has erased your hope for love
But soon you will find
That I'll give you all that your heart could ever want
And so much more

When you feel like you're alone in your sadness
And it seems like no one else in this whole world cares
And you want to get away from the madness
You just call My name and I'll be there
You just call My name and I'll be there

Oh, you just call My name
If you just call My name
Call My name, say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive
Call My name, say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive

You just call My name
You just call My name
You just call My name

The love I have for you is so alive
The love I have for you is so aliveYou just call My name
You just call My name
You just call My name

-GREG

Pain

Pain is all relative and sometimes it takes tragedy to occur to realize this all the more. It is no secret that 2009 was a difficult year for our family. 2010 will be our year of hope, restoration and renewal. As I have gone about the last couple days with all that I have going on lately, I stopped to think of how much I have to be thankful for. I have a husband that loves me, a gorgeous son that I adore, my parents, a job, a home, our health. I have so much and yet, there are days I have taken all of that for granted. We all have.


When I read the prayer below this morning, it was another reminder that I have everything I could ever want and need to open my eyes more often and realize that I must not take anything for granted anymore because it could be gone in an instant. An instant.


Lord, I just want to say thank you, because this morning I woke up and knew where my children were. Because this morning my home was still standing, because this morning I am not crying because my husband, my child, my brother and sister needs to be buried out from underneath a pile of concrete, because this morning I was able to drink a glass of water, because this morning I was able to turn on the light, because this morning I was able to take a shower, because this morning I was not planning a funeral, but most of all, I thank you this morning because I still have a life and a voice to cry out for the people of Haiti.

Lord, I cry out to you, the ones that makes the impossible, possible, the one that turns darkness into light, I cry out that you give those mothers strength, that you give them peace that surpasses all understanding, that you may open the streets so that help can come, that you may provide doctors, nurses, food, water, and all that they need in a blink of an eye. For all those that have lost family members, give them peace, give them hope, give them courage to continue on. Protect the children and shield them with your power. I pray all this in the name of Jesus.

In an instant.

2009.....2010

Well as this year draws to a close, I could not be happier to bid 2009 goodbye. It's been a trying year in our household to say the least. No need to recap all that happened. I look forward to what 2010 has in store for our family. I have a feeling 2010 is going to be a very good year.

Happy Almost 2010.

Christmas...

I hope you all had a nice Christmas. We enjoyed ours in Miami this year and Gabriel loved all his gifts as usual. Although we all agreed that we should have just bought him action figures and he would have been just as content.

Two years ago, WHAT?

Yes, two years ago today we landed in Ft Lauderdale with Gabriel -- our forever family. Our adoption process that had taken soooo long, had come to an end -- right there in the airport. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that it has been two years already.

During our adoption process I remember reading other people's stories. Their stories all talked about how time had flown by once they brought their children home, but I never really thought too much about it being us because we were going through so much paperwork and more paperwork to make all this happen. These stories all belonged to other people, not us. And then one day, December 6, 2007, our story began.

I have realized that there are moments that you will never forget. Some you wish to forget them while they are happening and others you hope they never end. Picking up our son in Guatemala will forever be one long moment in my mind. But two years ago, during our Embassy trip, I experienced a moment that I relive quite often because it is a daily reminder for me of how incredibly blessed Greg and I are.

We were sitting in the waiting area of the US Embassy with Gabriel and Colleen, our adoption facilitator in Guatemala, waiting to be called for our appointment. Colleen turned and said to me, "...you are one of the fortunate families...do you have any idea how blessed you are to be bringing Gabriel home for the holidays? Any family here would give anything to be in your place" at which point, I was left breathless and started to cry. I couldn't even say a word but I could tell she knew that I completely understood. I felt all the emotions of the last year and half come crashing down in one moment and I was so overwhelmed with emotion that all I could do was take that moment in.

Shiny gifts are nice for Christmas, but two years ago today, I got the best gift of all -- our son.

Halloween 2009 ~ Spidey Style

Atlantic Beach Wedding Weekend in Pictures

It's funny how dogs and human finds each other even when you think you don't need another dog in your life. We already had two dogs and you would think that would have sufficed. Sadly, Eastwood had been abandoned and desparately needed a new home. Shortly after finding him, we suffered the loss of our fifth baby. Little did I know how much I would need Eastwood and what a comfort he would bring my broken heart.

He might have needed a loving home, but I needed him even more -- to help me realize that life does go on and that there is happiness on the other side of those tears.

Thank you, Eastwood. ♥

And one more makes three

And now for some happy news -- let me introduce you to the newest member of our family.

He is a 6.5 year old German Shepherd that was abandoned in a subdivision where someone brought him to a local k-9 rescue service. We met him one weekend in September and absolutely adored him. He has an amazing personality, loves Gabriel and fits perfectly in with rest of the pack. Everyone that meets him simply adores him. I got to name him this time and picked Eastwood and everytime we tell people his name, they ask, "like Clint?"

Yes, like Clint.

Untitled

I realize it has been over two months since I last posted and unfortunately I have a good reason for it this time. Shortly after my last post, I learned that I was pregnant. For those of you that know me very well, you all knew that after my loss in 2005, I never ever wanted to be pregnant again. But when I tested positive, I knew I had to do everything possible to keep this pregnancy. I went on blood thinner injections twice daily in my stomach, increased folic acid, had to see the doctor weekly and have my blood tested repeatedly, etc. I knew that if things didn't work out, at least I gave it my best try and there would be no regrets.

Unfortunately, my best was not good enough and now God holds one more of my angels in Heaven.

I'm sorry, sweet little one, whose hand I will never hold and face I will never touch. I'm sorry that my best was not good enough to keep you on this side of Earth. But I will carry the sound of your heart beating with me -- forever.

A Case of the Mondays....

Well today started off normal up until we got a call from daycare that Gabriel had what they believed to be pink eye. So off I went to pick him up, drive him to the pedi in Neptune Beach to get a script and spend the day at home with mama. He had it in one eye and that lasted a short while until he rubbed his good eye with the mung in his bad eye and now it appears it has spread.

Let's just pray Greg and I don't get it. It's one thing to be two and have it and it's a whole 'nother thing to be an adult with green pus pouring out your eye -- not so cute! The good news is that Gabriel's ears continue to be clear of any drainage and aside from his eyes, he is doing very, very well.

I'm back....

Wow, I can't believe it's been over a month since I've posted to my blog. I started a new job on 6/1 and I am finishing up the training this Friday. So friends, that's why I've been MIA. That should give you an idea of how busy I have been. Plus my regular hours will be 10am - 7pm four days a week and every Saturday from 9am-3pm. Good times....

Here are some pictures of Gabriel that are absolutely adorable of him trying to walk in his daddy's shoes. Need I say more?

Having Fun In Miami

Feliz Cumpleaño, Gabriel!

Today we celebrated Gabriel's 2nd birthday -- It truly is hard for us to believe that two years have gone by in the blink of an eye. Gabriel has brought us so much happiness that we never knew we were lacking in our lives. He is a blessing beyond measure and a gift from God we treasure daily.

Happy Birthday, sweet little Gabriel -- Your mama and daddy love you very, very much. ♥♥♥

Space Shuttle - 03/15/09

We are able to see the Space Shuttle take off from our house everytime which is definitely very cool. At night it's even better!

Sunday Best

My parents bought Gabriel this adorable linen outfit in the Keys a couple months ago and due to the chillier weather, we had no put it on him yet. Until a couple Sundays ago for church. He looks absolutely precious in this outfit.

First Trip to Dunk's

Mmmmmmm grits!

Gabriel adores grits just like his mama. There is no denying that. Maybe it's the texture. Or the yummy warmth in your belly, but we sure do love grits. After church today, we went out for brunch to our favorite neighborhood breakfast place. This is one of many restaurants that Gabriel goes to where the wait staff adores him. Once we arrive, they already know to bring him (and me) grits.

My Water Baptism

Today I was water baptized at Journey Church by our dear friend and pastor, Eric. It was an experience I will never forget. I was honored to have Eric perform my baptism as he and his wife Mary Jo were instrumental during our adoption and helped us pray Gabriel home. They are our family as much as we are theirs and we will forever be grateful for them and their love. They were there for us during the bleakest of days when we weren't sure how Gabriel's adoption would end. Thank you, Eric and Mary Jo for always being there.

I was baptized in the Catholic church as a baby, but today's baptism was by my own choosing, for the repentence of my sins, a reacceptance of Jesus as my Lord and Savior and acknowledgement of my continuous walk with the Lord.

Today is a new day.

Before

After

San Marco

Well, yesterday, we went to the San Marco Arts Festival here in Jax since it was such a beautiful day. On the way there, Gabriel passed out. He must have been exhausted because he fell asleep maybe five minutes after we left the house. At the time he was sucking on a lollipop that the nice ladies at Hair Cuttery gave him. In the first picture you can see the lollipop tucked away on his left side. He feel asleep with it in his hand and eventually let it go.

A Mother's Love Thirty Years Apart

I had been meaning to add these two pictures to the blog for awhile now.

In the first picture, that is my mother holding me. As I had previously said in my earlier post today, I only have one mother and that is her above. I am a couple months old, if that, in this picture. The picture below that, is me holding Gabriel in Guatemala on our first visit down there in May 2007. He was two weeks old at the time. When we tell people that Gabriel is adopted, they usually respond with "Oh but he looks just like you!" Yeah, I know. It's funny, isn't it? I've also been told that I am just like my mom which is oh so true even though she's blonde and I'm a brunette.

For those that might be wonder why I said I have only one mother, that is my personal opinion and to each their own. My birthmother gave me life and I am grateful for that, but my mama (and dad) raised me. There is a big difference in my eyes.

Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band

As if it wasn't evident enough that Greg and I are huge Bruce fans, we are already training Gabriel for when he joins the E Street Band. Granted, the current members will be in their 70s, but that's just a technicality, right? I also heard that they are ok with potential band members bringing their Leap Frog guitars for their auditions, so it sounds like we are all set. Now we just wait for them to call on Gabriel. :-)

A Friend

Well, I have a friend who recently adopted her first daughter and baby Charlotte is absolutely a precious gift to them and all around her. She and her husband know what it is like to be at their lowest low like Greg and I, and all those who have walked before us who have suffered loss after loss, only to walk away victorious. Greg once described my miscarriages as tasting the dirt beneath your feet as you plead to God wondering why us, again. That image has never left me.

Aside from our own adoption and two other friends (adoption and pregnancy), I have never prayed for another person like I prayed for my friend. I watched her go through hell to become a mother and two weeks ago after so many years of trying, it finally happened for them. They finally arrived at home last night and I am beyond elated for them to all be under one roof where they belong. It's funny how not only becoming a mother, but adopting a child can bring you so close to other adoptive mothers. Some of my closest friends are adoptive moms -- we share a bond that not every one has. This particular friend of mine, I have never met face to face but I would do anything for her.

I was once told that I was fortunate to be adopted because my birthmother loved me enough to want a better life for me and gave me up for adoption (or created an adoption plan as that is the PC way to phrase it nowadays) and my adoptive mom (which to me is my only mom) desired a child so much she (and my father) saved up for 14 years to adopt me. It was then that I realized how fortunate I was to have been adopted and one day I will share all my history and Gabriel's with him -- who better to share that with him than his own mother who experienced it all before him.

What is even more special to me is that my mom and I share that bond, not only as mother and daughter, but as two adoptive mothers. Funny how that turned out. Once again, God having His hand in things way before you ever knew how your life would turn out.

Short Update

Well, when I last posted, I had recently been laid off and Gabriel's ears weren't doing so well. We actually received the news of his potential permanent hearing loss and my job loss all in the same week! Since then, I am employed and Gabriel's ears have improved drastically. We went in for his appointment on 2/12 and the doctor was very happy to report that his hearing had improved.

The job is going alright. With all new jobs, there is always a learning curve but not one that I won't catch on to. It's a bit far from my house (40 minute commute vs a 15 minute one I used to have), but with the economy, I am not complaining. A job is a job and it will help pay our bills and I am truly thankful to have a job.

We were both overjoyed with these news and indeed know that God is good -- all the time.

Adventure man!

It is no secret that Greg is a huge lover of the outdoors whether it involves hiking, camping, whitewater rafting, being one with nature, etc. I couldn't be more different. My idea of adventure is none. I do not like adventure at all. Not only do I like to be in complete control of my situations, I don't like anything that will in essence throw me a curve ball. The idea of being out in the middle of nowhere freaks me out whereas Greg seeks that and actually finds it fun! Relaxation for me is to go away to a bed and breakfast, have massages and facials done at a spa and then wine and cheese watching a sunset from the balcony of our hotel. Funny how two people so different came together, right?

Well, Gabriel, I think is going to be more like Greg. He craves adventure and loves to play rough with Greg and that is all part of having a boy. We have some friends that gave Gabriel a backpack with his own sleeping bag, canteen, compass, flashlight, etc so that he can be just like his daddy. Soon enough Gabriel will be caught up on all Man vs Wild and Survivorman episodes on Discovery of which his father has seen ALL of them. Recently Gabriel allowed us to put this backpack on him and he weighs enough where the pack doesn't bring him down! So here's a picture of our little adventurous Guatemalan. :-)